Monday Mattness #2
Happy birthday, to you. Well well fucking well. Look what the cat
dragged in, Mary, Mary, Mary. I guess the old leopard never changed
her spots. I bet you thought I was dead after you went AWOL in
Istanbul, leaving me with five counts of white slavery and criminal
multi-national sex trafficking charges. I got out, Mary. I wore the
skin of a dead guard just so I could stand here today and look you in
the crooked eye. I don't believe it, Mary. You were my ace. The "Pink
Rose of Juarez".. What did you think, Mary? That you could just leave
me hangin' with a boxcar of Cambodian boys and I wouldn't check the
age. Lan Dok was at LEAST 16. I checked the nails. Every day for the
past fourteen years, nine months and six days I've been thinking about what I'd
say to you the day I saw those baby blues one last time. When I was
inside, my cellmate, Ivan, relayed to me an old Native American tale.
Chippewa, i think it was. or perhaps it was Louisiana..i'm not sure.
Point is, it was called 'The Serpent and the Woodsman.' And it went
A woodsman's son was on a walk in the desert night when he crossed
paths with a nine-foot Diamondback rattler. A big 'ol buck, too. He tried
to run but that snake bit him dead in the throat. Next night, Dad goes
out and finds his son dead under that white desert moon. You know the
one. After the funeral, old man goes out on his Yamaha YZ-250 five-speed
with a multi-plate wet clutch. He tore ASS through the ravines,
blazing a trail of tears and vengeance until he finds himself that
rattler. He looks him dead in the eye and chops that sonofabitch's
goddamn tail off. "Rattle me thissssssssssssss" quoth the woodsman.
Later that same night, to seek revenge, that snake came into his
bedroom and bit the woodsman's wife right in her pretty goddamn face.
Oh but he wasn't done. Not that rattler. Next stop was the bedroom of
his youngest daughter, who'd just celebrated her 12th birthday. Boy,
she was cute as a button. But that snake, he bit that poor kid square
on the brainstem. After a week in the ICU, the daughter, Eunice, well
her lungs collapsed. As for the wife, well Mary, old Gloria was D.O.A.
Doctors said her heart popped like goddamn zit. Well, the old man hung
his head, got back on his feet, grabbed a bottle of Turkey 101 and
decided to head out to the snake's burrow. It was time for it to end.
Soon enough, he's lookin' that Diamondback right in the eye again. He
tells that snake straight up, "let's call a spade a spade and forget
this ever happened." Well that snake was no fool. He points that
forked tongue at the old man and says "We've both sought vengeance.
We've both forgiven each other's sins, like men. You took my tail. I
can't forget that. I took your family. You'll never forget that. A
spade a spade, maybe. But we'll NEVER forget."
And I'll never forget, Mary. But guess what? Neither will God. I came
here tonight to shoot you in your face. But you know what Mary? You're
not even worth killin', cause to God... you're already dead.